Everything You Ever Wanted
by FieryPhoenixSong
Summary: Songfic to song of title. It's a sad fic...I'm not explaining it. Read it if you want to find out. I don't think it would happen, I just wanted to write it. Those who come from these situations, you're not alone. I'm praying for you. A mention of drinking


Songfic to Everything You Ever Wanted by Hawk Nelson.

I don't think it would happen…it's just a good song and I felt like writing a fic to it. It's sad, I'm warning you. 

I remembered a time when just being me was enough. It was before I'd decided to tell them. Telling them had been the biggest mistake of my life. I loved them, and I knew—absolutely _knew_—that they loved me no matter what. They'd accept me, half ghost and all. They'd understand. They were my parents after, all.

I thought telling them would make my life easier. So, I laid it all on the line. I told my parents that I was a half-ghost. I told them that I was Danny Phantom, the Ghost Boy. I told them but I'd been waiting to tell them since I got my powers.

_I walk the line_

_Leave it all behind_

_I've been waiting forever_

Yeah…I'd been waiting for a while. It was a mistake. It changed my life…and not for the better. I remember back before I told them, and I wish for the chaos to return. Back then, even with the trouble over curfews and grads, my life was easier. My life was better. I remember when I could look at them and see if they were planning some knew ghost invention or if they thought they'd finally catch a ghost. I remember them saying that they were proud of me, no matter what I did. That they loved me. That I was their son. It was like I could read their minds…a smile could mean a million things, and with one look at their faces I could tell which smile they were wearing and why. We were close, even with that huge secret between us. Now…well, the secrets gone, but the gap is separating us.

_Let's go back in time_

_When I could read your mind_

Still, it almost feels good to have it off my chest. It's kind of nice to know that they know my secret. That my mom, at least, accepts me. She's still proud of me. She still loves me no matter what. I'm still her baby boy, her Danny, no matter what color hair or eye I have at the time. Ghost or human…I'm her son, and she loves me. My dad…I wish I could say the same. I know he loves me, but things…changed….so much…when I told him my secret. I'd been waiting forever to do it…waiting for their reactions, especially after the Reality Gauntlet incident. I thought that that meant they would accept me. I guess that I should've known better. The future is never set in stone. I, of all people, should know that.

My mom would always tell me my dad's reaction wasn't his fault. His way of staying in the lab—or any room I'm not in—at almost all hours of the day had nothing to do with me. I was sure I knew better. He despised me…because I was half-ghost. I was the very thing he fought against. I know I can't help it. It's not my fault, but in his eyes, it is. It's taken me a while…but I've accepted his views. I can't change them. They're not my fault. I'm me…my dad should accept me. It's not my problem it he doesn't.

But that doesn't make it feel any better. No, even knowing it's his problem, the hurt doesn't go away.

_Still, I've been waiting_

_It took the seasons going by_

_To know it's not my fault._

Right after I told him…right after he started ignoring me, I tried so hard to be what he wanted. I tried to bring my grades up. I tried to keep my room clean. I didn't lie about where I was going if I went to fight a ghost. I tried to beat ghosts faster. I tried to be a better shot, hitting more of my targets. I tried to get fatser, stronger, more powerful. I tried to master duplicating myself. I tried to be able to do the wail without weakening myself so much. I worked so hard, to the point my mom and friends were really worried, talking to my teachers. They told them not to give me homework. So, I asked for projects or extra credit assignments. When even that fell through—even Lancer stopped giving me project, telling me I was fine the way I was and shouldn't have to work so hard for approval—I tried to help my dad with his experiments. He wouldn't let me. He told me it was too dangerous, me being half ghost and all. He was working, so he thought I didn't see the disgust that twisted his face as he said it. I tried to be the perfect son for my father, but I couldn't fill his shoes…either in my life or others.

_I tried to be perfect_

_Tried to be honest_

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted_

_I Tried to be stronger_

_Tried to be smarter_

_Tired to be everything but you_

He's always around…but never home. He's taken to drinking a bit. Now, my dad doesn't get drunk, don't get me wrong, but I know why he does. Me. Me…the half-ghost son he despises. Jazz tried to tell me it's not my fault, using a lot of psychologist mumbo-jumbo…but I know it is. I know it, because when I used to wait up for him, trying to talk to him, trying to get him to talk to me…to even _look _at me like he used to, he rarely did. And when he did…I whished he hadn't. He'd get this look in his eye…like he was looking at something that disgusts him. Sometimes, if he'd had a little too much to drink, he'd mutter. And I'd catch a few words, and the pain in my heart would grow until it was unbearable. I was beginning to doubt he loved me…even the human half of me. I'd sit on the couch, looking outside for the telltale lights of the Fenton RV and the sounds of dads driving, praying that he'd come home and talk to me. Wishing that he was there, looking at me with something other than his usual disgust. For once, Desiree didn't grant this wish. He never looks at me with anything _but_ disgust.

_It's been so long _

_Since you've been home_

_I used to wait up forever_

_I used to say a prayer_

_Wishing you were there_

Sometimes, even now, a year after I told him, I find myself wandering downstairs about the time he comes home to get a drink of milk or a snack or something I forgot. I remember the first few times, the times I still thought he loved me…I don't know why he did this, but…but he told me he'd talk to me. He told me things would go back to normal, to just give him time. Things would change between us, I'd see. I did see change…for the worse. One time, when he came home after telling me we'd talk, I waited for the usual look, and it didn't come. He didn't look at me. 

"Dad…" I whispered, pleading. He looked at me…and I'll never forge the look in his eyes. It was one of pure loathing, and even though I knew he'd had too much to drink this time, his words cut me deep. I've never healed from those words…and I don't think I ever will.

"Don't call me that, ghost."

_And I'm still waiting_

_You told me once_

_You'd show up_

_But I fell for that before_

_I fell to pieces_

I just sat there as he walked up the stairs, his words ringing in my ears. It was a real wake-up call.

"_Don't call me that, ghost." _I felt my eyes tear up as I thought about it. He didn't even count me his son anymore. I was nothing to him…just another ghost that he hates. I was just a ghost…juts the thing he hates with his whole being. I'm not his son anymore. "_Don't call me that, ghost." _I feel asleep, looking at the picture of Jesus we got from Grandma—a stout Catholic—on the table, showing him carrying the cross and all his pain, all our pain and sins. I saw his head pierced by that crown and that was what my heart felt like.

I cried myself to sleep on our couch that night, just curled up, my dad's words haunting me more than any ghost. "_Don't call me that, ghost." _And from then on, I never did.

_Then I woke up to no one_

_Just a picture of Jesus _

_In a house left in pieces_

Another year passed, and I still wanted to be his son…I never called him dad, but my heart cried for him. Sam verbally abused him until I told her to stop, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes…"Oh, Danny," she said, crying. For me? I didn't loose a father, I have no father. But my heart, still pain filled and heavy, tells me differently. I do, and his name is Jack Fenton…even if he won't even look at me. I know it's not my fault…but I feel there's something I can do to make things work. There has to be…I can't let my family suffer because of me, because dad can't look at me. Jazz and mom don't deserve our now broken home…it's not their fault. It's not mine, either, I know…but saying I know and actually believing it are two different things.

_It took the seasons going by_

_To know it's not my fault_

_I tried to be perfect_

_Tried to be honest_

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted_

_I tried to be stronger_

_Tried to be smarter_

_Tired to be everything but you_

I need my dad…I need him so badly…he's my dad. I need a dad. Everyone needs a dad. There are times I still fall asleep crying because of him. I mean, he doesn't hunt me, so I guess that's good. But I almost want him to. I want to believe the promises I hear him giving my mom… "I'll work it out with Danny"… "Things will change" … "Of course I still love him" …but I know there just for my mom, not me. I want anything but disappointment from him. I want anger, hate…I cry out for love, silently and pleading with my eyes. He never sees my plea…because he never looks at me.

_I want you_

_I need to you_

_I want to believe you_

_I want you_

_I need you_

_I want to believe you_

I try, and I try…but I'm never good enough. I'll never be good enough. I love my dad…but I finally gave up. I can't be what he wants. I'm seventeen and I'm moving out. I'm sorry for my family—my sister and mother—because I know they'll miss me. I love them terribly, but they understand. I'm moving in with Tucker. I tried so hard…but it wasn't hard enough. I can't be good enough for him…I tried to be all he ever wanted me to be—I mean, I'm the best ghost hunter there is! But, I'm part-ghost, so it doesn't count. I don't get good grades because of my ghost half, so I'm not smart enough. I lied for years. I cry too much…I'm not strong. But I can't be…He's my dad…I need him. He's an irreplaceable part of my life…and no one can fill his shoes.

But he won't look at me. I'm not enough. I'm not what he wants. I'm just…me.

_I tried to be perfect_

_Tried to be honest_

_Tired to be everything but you_

_I tried to be perfect_

_Tried to be honest_

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted_

_I tried to be stronger_

_Tried to be smarter_

_Tired to be everything but you_

_I tried to be perfect_

_Tried to be honest_

_Tried to be everything that you ever wanted_

_I tried to be stronger_

_Tried to be smarter_

_Tired to be everything but you_

I dedicate this piece to everyone in a broken home or who thinks they're not good enough. You are good enough, just by being you.

Jenn


End file.
